Hurting, Healing and Hope
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
“But if anyone causes one of these little ones to sin, ..” Matthew 18:4-7
We continue to discover that ‘hurt’ comes in many forms and in order to heal from these hurts, we need to name the hurt. Some of these hurts start out as fantasies and some result because of childhood choices. Yet how we discern these fantasies makes a difference in how we respond to them.
Fantasy 1—unlimited power to control- Children are the centre of the universe and they possess the power to cause events and control other people’s actions and emotions.
Fantasy 2- unlimited knowledge to cure; Children can re-do anything in order to change an outcome without consequences
These fantasies are reinforced by others including:
a) Our own “I’dolatry—I can be like God unlimited power; (omnipotence) or knowing the end from the beginning (omniscience)—figuring out how to change things; I can know everything and how to fix everything and everybody
b) New age spirituality- self empowerment means universal power and unlimited human potential
c) Parental stumbling blocks- believing that children are knowledgeable; Children have limited cognitive development that prevents them from making choices; children should not be blamed for adult actions example: you love to make me hit you
d) Self-protection- they are afraid and powerless to have parents stop abusing tem.
Have you been hurt in the past, maybe even currently?
REFLECTION: Read the following statements and check the ones that describe your views:
1) If I were a better person (a better Christian) I could change my (spouse, child, friend…)
2) If someone disagrees with me, his or her opinions are usually right.
3) I am responsible for the problems in my family (office, small groups,)
4) When things go wrong, it’s usually my fault.
5) If I (whatever) then (whoever) would (whatever).
These statements—reveal the influence of childhood fantasies!
But we are called to live in truth
1) I do not have the power to change anyone, no matter how much ‘better’ I get.
2) My opinions are as valid as anyone else’s.
3) I share responsibility for the atmosphere of my family, office, small group.
4) When things go wrong, I am sometimes responsible; sometimes partly responsible and sometimes not responsible
5) Doing whatever with whomever has no bearing on their resulting actions. The other is responsible for their actions and behaviours.
Prayer: God help us to trust you enough to let you be who you and you alone are—the One who Controls all things and changes people. Thank you for understanding how difficult this is for each of us because of the deep wounds which have occurred in our lives. Reveal to us all the hope that you give through Jesus our Saviour. Amen.
Resource: Dr. Sandra D Wilson, Hurt People Hurt People, Discovery House Publishers, 2001. Ch.4-5